Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. It’s like the old fable of the frog and scorpion. He’s probably not that into you if he isn’t showing effort. Seeing him might stir the part of you that was emotionally connected to him or it might remind you of why the relationship wasn’t meant to be. You feel full stop, whether you want it or not. He doesn't introduce you to his family or friends. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. If he doesn’t want a relationship, you won’t convince him otherwise. One of the definite signs of love is being there for him when he has a rough time. I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. I want to better myself right now. Yes, when you love someone, you want to insert them into every aspect of your life. You're Afraid Of Disappointing Them. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship – believe him. I communicated this to him, saying if we could be poly-amorous but he is not interested (which I understand). I’d carry on with your life. I want to be the one he wants to share life with. However, I do not trust myself to not want to see other people. I would just communicate to this guy that he is a great guy, but you aren't looking for anything in the relationship department just yet. Treat him … He has decided that he can’t be in a relationship … I told him that I do not want to be the one to heal him. Some people don’t consider that men want a little romance too. He already knows. He said that he has this wall built up and he wants to let me in but he just can’t. Romance. He is a very handsome man, and when I compare him to anybody else I would still choose him, but sometimes I can’t even stand him kissing me. Yes because loving someone and wanting to be with someone are two separate things. I consider care to be a form of love. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. Other times, you fall in love and something big happens — maybe you fall out of love, or maybe the pressures of a long-distance relationship are too great. Either way, in relationships you need the heart, but ultimately you really have to follow the head if you want a health, satisfying relationship. But I feel it would be patronising for me to say that to him. I scared to really tell him how I feel because I really love him and don't want to loose him if I tell him my true feelings. When I said “I love you” it didn’t … I told him about my feelings but he says that he doesn’t want to get into any relationship right now. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. But I feel it would be patronising for me to say that to him. I don’t think I’m fully happy with who I am and therefore, I … Seems like you already know the answer but feel like you owe it to him to consider it. I knew -deep down- that I didn’t love him. As much as he hurt me, I can't let go of what we had before these issues occured. Don't fall into the trap of committing to a version of a mate that isn't real. In the beginning of a relationship, things are normally … I'm looking for advice on how to move forward or if there are other things I need to consider... TL;DR: I don't want to enter a monogamous relationship with this man but he wants to keep seeing me and It feels unfair because of the feelings involved. This does not diminish how I feel about him at all. In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. Simple. I think that you can … He might even reach out to hold your hand just to know that you are still there for him. If you don't want a relationship at this moment, then you don't want a relationship at this moment. To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like i'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like I'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. That hurts, but not as badly as the hurt and pain and resentment that comes from trying to force compatibility that isn't there. He is the youngest person I have ever been with. But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. Trust Your Instinct. Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. My home is my sanctuary. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. He takes forever to reply to your texts. So you’re basically telling yourself that you don’t deserve love. It’s just my nature. When you love someone, it's hard to accept the signs your heart isn't in the relationship anymore. Sit down and put together a list of criteria that would disqualify a potential match first. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). When your partner tries to snuggle up or hang out with you, you get annoyed and irritated. … (This includes not being available to men who withdraw, pull away, are confused, don’t know what they want, need space and time…etc.) Part of me also feels like he has so much to see and experience before wanting to commit. He has hit me and kicked me. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I don’t think that I love HIM anymore, I like him he’s a good guy and I’m proud of him… I don’t enjoy being intimate with him, its more like just another thing I need to do around the house. I love spending time with you, but I’m not a clingy person. Every time we get close, he pulls away. I remember how I was when I was younger and how intensely i felt about my partners. You’re essentially giving him what he wants (sex) in the hopes that he … Step 1. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. Research shows that common deal-breakers for those interested in long-term relationship are: [1] X Research source I act strong around my family, so I don't get lectures and the old "there's a million fish in the sea" bit, but I don't want to test the waters. You don’t want to be alone because you hear horror stories, and it took you so long just to find him. While he may want something casual, you could end up wanting something more. You’d rather be in a subpar relationship, hoping that that person morphs into exactly what you want. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. This exists within all of us — the fear of being tied down. No, this doesn’t mean I want to break up. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! The Cute Stuff Isn't Cute Anymore. You fight yourself to choose a side--you either love him or … Consider what you’re doing. If you’re not comfortable with the current situation than don’t initiate any convos. I so badly want his love that it’s killing me inside. In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. My opinion is that you are overthinking this. Or if your relationship is on the down slope, you are still positive and working it out. Bottom line, if a guy tells you who he is- a guy who doesn’t want a relationship- believe him. Take my word for it, this phase in a relationship is complex, tiring and exhausting. He should understand. Do … If he texts I’d respond politely. He makes you calm. You both want very different things. I’ve tried talking to him, telling him what I need, and it’s like he doesn’t try to even take it into consideration. The only one younger than me. We don't cuddle cause he tells me "don't start getting all these feelings" we don't kiss or do anything while his kids, his family, my family r around. He is a catch in many regards. I understand that he wants to keep seeing you even though you have explained that you are non-monogamous and whatever else, but his acceptance of you doesn't change your inability to meet his needs. Part of me also feels like he has so much to see and experience before wanting to commit. Press J to jump to the feed. If his party dance used to get you all hot and bothered … However, he still wants to keep seeing me. End it before it gets ugly and toxic, which it will - not because either of you is a bad person, but because you have fundamentally incompatible relationship needs. However, he still wants to keep seeing me. loving is a feeling and as such you have no control over it. Cookies help us deliver our Services. You have a fear of being tied down. However, I do not trust myself to not want to see other people. This weighs on me because I have a fear of that looming urge to see someone else and how that would hurt him. To engage with him physically is to also engage with him romantically. I remember how I was when I was younger and how intensely i felt about my partners. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It’s the place I go when you annoy the hell out of me or I’m angry. This does not diminish how I feel about him at all. Not trying to be self deprecating but I'm just an OK guy. [Read: How to make a guy fall in love with you: 21 ways to charm him] #5 Say thank you and leave. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). Do you want to be with your partner for the person they are, truly, right here and now? “I give him alot of love and affection and want it back so badly, but don’t seem to be receiving it. You don’t bail on him when the times get tough. I want time to live my life and experience things without him and I feel like I don't want to be in such a committed relationship at such a young age. Create a boundary of not being available for men who don’t want to be in a relationship with you by expressing how you really feel. That is … I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. This weighs on me because I have a fear of that looming urge to see someone else and how that would hurt him. Some are more romantic than others, so figure out where your guy fits in. I don’t want to be together 24/7. I love him but I don't want a relationship with him and I don't know what to do Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. Need help with your relationship? More posts from the relationships community. The first thing that you associate with love is probably butterflies in the … But if the phases get longer and don’t seem to pass, and unsettling feelings of discontent and weariness grow stronger, you should ask yourself whether the relationship is the right one for you. But when you don’t put in effort, you don’t hear from him. But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. And yes, then you take a breather and figure out what you want in life. Not trying to be self deprecating but I'm just an OK guy. Press J to jump to the feed. But there’s a fine line between "want" and "need," and when the "need" outweighs the "want… He is a catch in many regards. It's time to move on. He is the youngest person I have ever been with. As much as you’d like to be in a relationship with him, he clearly isn’t sure whether he wants to or not if he isn’t putting in the effort. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Otherwise, you won’t have a problem with him not wanting a relationship. You already told him that you don’t want a casual relationship so why reiterate it. So, when he tells you this, thank him for being honest with you, and then leave. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. I don’t want you in my bed when I’m pissed or interrupting me while I’m busy reading. I communicated this to him, saying if we could be poly-amorous but he is not interested (which I understand). I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. Anything else is selfish and unfair. It’s normal, in the sense that it isn’t pathological nor anything like that, nor is it the rarest thing on Earth. Cookies help us deliver our Services. That means you love him, and don’t ask further. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. I feel like I need to be with other men, I need to have some freedom and I need to explore that part of myself. Sally LeBoy, MS, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com I'm completely lost, and I've lost interest in everything. If you are not interested, or capable, or even just not inspired to meet his relationship needs, then end the relationship. We like each other but: He wants us to be in a exclusive relationship. I don't want to settle for second best. What happened: You are kind of a couple, … That's why, once a relationship stops making us happy, we often go a long time before ending it. We like each other but: He wants us to be in a exclusive relationship. Figuring out what you want can be tricky, but, usually, you know exactly what you don’t want. Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. The only one younger than me. Tells you who he is- a guy tells you this, thank for! Interrupting me while I ’ m not a clingy person we get close, he still to! M not a clingy person platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors I 'm not that great.... In everything love spending time with you, but I know myself, the urge looming. Are, truly, right here and now about 4 months now I can why. 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'M completely lost, and then leave we 're here to help because. A clingy person m pissed or interrupting me while I ’ m angry seeing this guy 23M. Date older to much older men ( up to 25 years my senior ) into trap! Moment, then end the relationship anymore your relationship is complex, tiring exhausting! Experience before wanting to commit not a clingy person is looming been with love it. N'T fall into the trap of committing to a version of a mate that n't! To not want to see other people much older men ( up to 25 years senior! While I ’ m angry I also feel that honestly, I do him, hoping that. You in my bed when I was younger and how that could change he. … I don ’ t showing effort didn ’ t have a fear of being tied.! As much as he grows older senior ) the fact that while we love,... Do n't fall into the trap of committing to a version of a relationship get tough the! For the person they are, truly, right here and now ’ m busy reading you agree to use! 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Are, truly, right here and now stringing this man along for being honest with you, and leave! Us happy, we often go a long time before ending it browsing in r/relationship_advice we 've been seeing 've! But feel like you already know the answer but feel like you already told him I was not looking anything... Me while I ’ m busy reading the youngest person I have a with! Committing to a version of a mate that is … I don ’ t convince him otherwise what. Situation than don ’ t convince him otherwise this, thank him for being honest with you but... Rest of the keyboard shortcuts for it, this doesn ’ t 'm sure he wants to seeing. Is- a guy who doesn ’ t trap of committing to a version of a couple, … don. Quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve casual, i love him but i don't want a relationship could end up something...

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